the empty room + the thread
post eclipse/ post neptune in aries
Dear reader,
I suppose I haven’t spoken into this portal for months and months. I guess I hate anything that feels like an obligation, I’ve become so deathly allergic to the idea of it that for a good few months I’ve just been existing and barely doing what it takes to survive and that has felt like enough, at least what my exhausted brain and body could conceive as enough.
Deep down I knew none of this was true, that eventually I would have to pull myself out of this sepulcher and step out into the light somehow, again…
Deep down, I had started to feel a shift rise. At first, it was just a longing—to feel everything again. The need to know more. The want to need to know. The ache, the pull.
(of course Ethel Cain has made an entire video that highlights this in vibrant detail)
It was very quiet at first but the shift from Pisces into Aries at the end of March slingshot me into outer space. I played my first show in eight months, and it felt like a dream to have such a warm and inspiring night of music again.
April 14th, at Dadalab
Things have quieted down all around me since then, but inside I’ve been churching, and wanting more for the first time in a while. I thought that maybe the light inside me had died, and that I didn’t want anything with art anymore. It is easier to stop showing up than to be exposed. But a world where no one shows up as themselves is too bleak to exist in…
Anyway that is it for now. I will probably remain quiet and share when I feel able to. But inside I am burning and I am nurturing this small flame. Maybe it’ll grow…
-A