new single- THE KNIFE

casting another shadow into the ether

hello dear friends—

today i shared something new into the world, it is called THE KNIFE:

and yes, it is in all caps as I feel it is a very bold statement from me… and as much as i want to cower and hide from the impulse to share what i produce with the world—i had set this date in mind after I mastered this track this summer + shot a music video, which I hope will be out soon on my channel…

I produced, mixed, and mastered this track on my own. and i state this simply to emphasize how much i pour into every release i make. i do not feel a sense of entitlement that the work that i do has to have an equal amount of response as the monumental effort it takes… but yeah, releasing music in this day and age is a very jarring experience. what starts as a very private, sacred, and ritualistic experience is suddenly out of my hands and i fear all kinds of judgment, because what i make comes from a very deep place inside me.

making this track was very cathartic to me, as it describes the cyclical nature of a toxic relationship, which is another form of addiction, a theme that is very close to me… it’s about how one can desire to embody an abuser as a way to take the power back, but in reality it only permeates the cycle of addiction. but that is all i will say about the song, i would like the rest to be up to interpretation.

i had a very interesting breakthrough recently, strangely that the very part of me i had always been disgusted and ashamed of is the very part of me that needs the most protection. the constant voice of doubt in my mind that needs comforting and reassurance at all times, that is hyper-vigilantly scanning for signs of rejection or that i am faulty, comes from a very small part of me, a very vulnerable and tender child. and i dismiss it constantly because it needs a lot, and it demands a lot, and instead of reassuring it, i get mad at it for needing reassurance. and i share this because of how much it colors my process. and how difficult it makes it to finish things and release them.

but now that i’ve had this clarifying breakthrough, i am hoping it will color my process through a brand new lens, and that it will put some ease into it and expedite what has felt stuck or in the dark for so long. i am hoping to dive back into producing and finish a few more things to share soon.

anyway, i hope this letter finds you well, and this Samhain + whatever wild transits are orbiting around us lead to clarity, movement + breakthroughs… the veil is thinning, can you feel it?

-A