a crack lets the fill light in
I am afraid to feel alive. I have been feeling half dead for what feels like ages. Every now and then I wake up slightly, like a vivid memory from a dream flashing into my mind as I do a mundane task. I am in there, somewhere. My vibrant soul is dormant. Maybe it’s afraid of the bleakness and absurdity of the world. Where do I belong if I just want to feel it all and unravel what’s true?
Resonance is important. The right frequency can shatter a glass by the sheer force of their frequencies amplifying and exciting themselves enough. What does that mean? Maybe it means everything. Maybe it means I just need to hear the right words. Everything is a vibration, so my soul just needs to touch the one that resonates equally.
It’s been so long since I channeled. I have been closed off. I feel so much nostalgia for when things felt simpler and less overwhelming. There’s too much noise and I keep drowning in it. There’s too many voices and too many opinions, everything is too contrived and curated and I just want to see and feel something REAL, not something that was brewed up for a target demographic in some sort of Content Lab.
Content is noise and a constant stream of noise means we’re distracted and we’re just reaching for more distractions until we don’t remember ourselves anymore. Authenticity has been sacrificed for algorithms and advertisements. This isn’t new of course but was it always this deafening and all consuming?
When I see something Real I feel it. Maybe it’s because of its resonance, it breaks me open somehow. I wish I could feel this way all the time. Wide open like a valley with tall grass blown by the wind. Perhaps I would be too fragile. Yet I am always Here. Even when I get lost in the stream I always return.
I am grateful there’s a part of me that will always resist, always fight to feel alive again. I wouldn’t still be here if that wasn’t the case. In a way I know I will always be safe, something deep inside me will guide me towards the truth. Whatever it is, I am deeply grateful for it.